Sunday, May 17, 2009


Be a better you.
Improve your communication with another person.

A few tips from Linda Talley, "The Body Language Expert" to use at home or at the office.

So simple to do. No energy needed.

1. Instead of talking to another person using “hitler” hands, turn them around with palms facing up. This is less threatening and indicates a desire for “coming together” in community. People will tend to be more open with you during discussions or giving feedback.
2. If you’re sitting down, instead of leaning back in your chair, lean towards the other person. This shows interest and empathy.
3. Move your chair so that you’re sitting at a 45 degree angle to the other person vs the confrontational position where you are directly across/in front of them. This helps the other person relax by taking pressure off the conversation.
4. Keep your legs and arms uncrossed. Many people tell me it’s just comfortable for them to sit with their legs or arms crossed and my response is: “Yes, but what does it make the other person feel like?”
5. Refuse to walk and talk about business. It’s a waste of time anyway because neither one of you are listening to what is being said. You are watching the other person’s movement. When you really want to understand the other person, stand still, in an open, positive position and talk or listen.

When you make the other person comfortable, they will relax, exhale and you will learn a lot more about them.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

PAC remembered

Wilder Penfield’s (a Canadian Brain surgeon) 1950s studies revealing that the brain records everything that comes into our conscious awareness is verified by current neuroscience studies using fRMI. This translates to me as a reason to relook and update my thinking about Eric Berne’s model of Parent, Adult, and Child as a tool to help other people get more of what they want out of life.

Remember Berne’s theory is called Transactional Analysis.

Transactional Analysis (or TA as it is often called) is a model of people and relationships that was developed during the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne. It is based on two notions: first that we have three parts or 'ego-states' to our 'personality. The other assumption is that these converse with one another in 'transactions' (hence the name).
Parent, Adult and Child

We each have internal models of parents, children and also adults, and we play these roles with one another in our relationships. We even do it with ourselves, in our internal conversations.


There are two forms of Parent we can play.
The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned and often may appear as a mother-figure (though men can play it too). They seek to keep the Child safe and offer unconditional love, calming them when they are troubled.
The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, on the other hand, tries to make the Child do as the parent wants them to do, perhaps transferring values or beliefs or helping the Child to understand and live in society. They may also have negative intent, using the Child as a whipping-boy or worse.

the Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting. The Adult is comfortable with themselves and is, for many of us, our 'ideal self'.

There are three types of Child we can play.
The Natural Child is largely un-self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, etc.). They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
The cutely-named Little Professor is the curious and exploring Child who is always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Together with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child.
The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing themselves to fit in or rebelling against the forces they feel.

Want to refresh or know more about TA --check out